May -- Time of Change

Everything changes. It is the nature of things. Only our memories and emotions remain static. This creates a problem, a dichotomy, and I am reminded of the book “Who moved my Cheese.” We are always looking for answers, but usually we need solutions instead. This is why I try to stay in a process of change; to incorporate it in my life. I try to reinvent myself continually to encourage growth. One reason is that there is no use denying change. The second reason is it is more exciting…but it is not easy.

I turned 35 in January. I am told this is supposed to be a milestone year. I think it is a beginning, nothing related to time, more related to momentum. As you may know, last year was a time of great change, yet things are not ready to be settled.

On the home front, returning to California for Christmas vacation was great. The sun, family, friends, and some rest give me time to reflect. It made me realize how much changes in one year, yet how much stays the same and where you end up depends on momentum. My mother and siblings are stable and doing fine. However, my nephew and nieces continue to grow, the number is up to 13. Two major milestones: Julia Reyburn was born on Thanksgiving Day. My oldest nephew John turned 19. The blessing is that they are all healthy, safe and I love them all.

Yet returning to a never-ending NYC winter took a toll on my enthusiasm. I didn’t let it get me down. Instead I regrouped, knowing 2005 would continue to be a year of transition. Three of my friends will be married by the end of summer. And one of those will move back to California, creating a vacuum of a close male friend. Worst yet, the Chef of Zona Rosa, Adrian Leon, has left to work in Philadelphia. Good for him, bad for me. Even the bartender Nester is planning to leave. Now I need to find a new hangout and increase my circle of friends.

Change is in the air at work also. We have new players and some old friends will be leaving. It is a stressful time.

However, its spring and the city instantly transforms: The trees and tulips blossom overnight. Central Park becomes green. Cafes spill out into the streets. People come out of hibernation. They walk the streets at all hours of the day—well, more than in winter. Fashion moves out of black and into colors (or at least during the day). The best part is the added sun and general enthusiasm have increased my spirit and fortified my will.

Everything changes. I persevere, knowing this will all lead to something greater.